Phases

My three scholar-age children each went through a period of exploration, learning a little bit about a lot of different fields. They mostly started focusing on two or three main areas of interest when they were 14-16 years old. My eldest son went through a number of interests and because I didn't know how temporary they would be, I wasn't as helpful as I could have been. I took his interests too seriously; they became work to him. It was frustrating for both of us because as soon as I started requiring, he lost interest.

Now I'm trying to encourage without taking over. My second child has benefited from a less stressful time with me, but has struggled with Daddy encouraging strongly--to the point of requiring. Our third child is scholar age now, but isn't inclined to take a lot of direction from either of us. He's taking action with or without our approval, which requires a lot of diplomacy on our part, and sometimes Dad and I must put our feet down and say, No. Our system of interviewing frequently is helping a lot.

Our fourth child is in Love of Learning now. It's hard to watch her try things half-heartedly, because she has self-esteem issues. It's rewarding to listen to her as she figures out who she is. Daddy has a hard time relating because he's a do-it person who wants to instantly take action to solve problems. Our fourth child is a sensitive daughter who needs her emotions validated every day... ad nauseum. Mainly I have to remember to selectively sit on my hands. She will progress at her own pace and will ask for help, as long as I keep communication channels open and listen without condemning.

Our fifth child is going into Love of Learning (age 9) and working on the Core values of work ethic and politeness (she interrupts frequently). She's also learning that she cannot impose her standards on her little sister. We're doing a lot of observing, talking about things we see and hear, and relating to our core values. Early Love of Learning, which is I think where she is, fits well with the early elementary school notion of exposure to the community (fire station, police, parks, animals) while still in the direct care of parents. Later in Love of Learning and into Scholar comes a desire to tie information together in a framework: putting history events in order and in location, relating science facts to each other, putting together a set of beliefs to explain the world and her place in it.

Scholar, I think, includes the desire to deepen knowledge in specific areas of interest. Love of Learning is the broad, shallow, overview of the world: a taste here, a concept there, a cool experience over here. It works best if the Core relationships are generally good: self-concept of value but not too much selfishness, secure reliance on parents and a few other adults, knowledge of how to relate to people with a minimum of friction (politeness), knowing how to get help. God is part of all this, taken for granted as taught in early Core but open to more and more evaluation as children learn about the world. One of my objectives is to encourage my children to learn as much as possible about God and how He works, so that they will learn to rely on Him for help and comfort and will internalize their own belief in Him; I want each child to grow his or her own testimony.

My job, then, is to learn as much as I can, to be interested in what they want to learn, and to aid and comfort them in their efforts. My example of learning greatly affects their efforts.