Help, how do I get off the conveyor belt without guilt?

My paradigm gears are grinding again. This shift is/will be good... do you ever get tired of constantly shifting your ground to a better place? I'm trying again... and this time putting in different priorities. My dd needs me to learn sign language, and my ds needs me to play piano as an incentive for him, and my youngest ds needs me to spend lots of time supervising and talking with him. My eldest dd needs me to give her some idea of what she will need while living away from home in the fall. So:

rearrange house to accommodate electronic keyboard and later full-size piano
post sign language charts
learn sign language alphabet and teach children
learn ASL scriptures for Primary
learn ASL songs for Primary
practice keyboard daily
clear out and dispose of old desktop computer to make room

It really does help to write it out.

I have a 12 year old in almost the same predicament. I get so frustrated at times...but let me tell you what I learned after the tantrum I threw two weeks ago (as mentioned in my other reply) I learned that when I am frustrated, it's because I am responding from the direct center of my own personal conveyor belt. Sure, he's a failure if I consider that he's kind of weak on his multiplication tables, refuses to write anything, and will only read books like the Ranger's apprentice series...sure I'm a failure as a mother if you look at the history and geography he DOESN'T know...and yes, it's so sad that he isn't in any college classes yet.

But once I gathered my senses back together, and hastily apologized to the Lord and my kids, I realized that I was using the wrong lens to look at his accomplishments. If I look at them from a much more eternal perspective and strive to see his successes, they are suddenly everywhere. He is great. His accomplishments are many and his knowledge in HIS area of interest (not MY areas of insistence....) is vast. He is an expert on all things to do with WWII. He knows way more than I do about so many things.

Also, what I realized at that point is that it is Dad's turn with him. He needs to take risks, do wild things, spread his wings and learn outdoor things. (That's just how his daddy is, so that's the kind of mentoring he gets.) So I have turned my head as he tries to jump his motorcycle, and I have smiled big when he tells me all about taking his bike's engine apart...and I wave good bye as they go off to work together. My husband is a great example of hard work, and that, above all, is what I want my children to learn. So it may be that it is getting close to the time when you might give the reins to Dad. Your time of inspiration for that child may be drawing to a close, and you may have to take a back seat in his education.

One more thing: My husband does not consider himself book smart. So by the conveyor belt model, I am committing a crime of epic proportions. But the proof is in the pudding. I'll let you know if it turns out ok :)

Blessings! (Keep the faith!)
Jedimom

Sounds very much like a combination of my two eldest children (big dreams little measurable effort, plus perfectionism). I started homeschooling after my eldest had been in public school kindergarten where his young inexperienced teacher worshiped him. I didn't give him the constant diet of praise that he had gotten used to; it was a shock.

It may be that he says he wants to be a rocket scientist but doesn't yet have any clear idea of what's involved (I mean, you can explain it to him, but he doesn't have actual experience). My ds wanted for years to have his own hawk, but it wasn't until he spent a day with a hawk trainer that he knew what it could be like; he decided he didn't want that anymore. So you're wise to go and give him what experience you can.

But also let him explore in the things he is interested in doing. Gardening is a great scientific activity and he may fall in love with it--in the same sense that in romances the girl has the boy she has a crush on and a different boy who is her real best friend. Rocket science may be his crush, but he may find that once he knows more about it, he'll choose more wisely where his real interests are.

My guess is he's still in Love of learning Phase, and if you've been requiring academics all along, he may not feel free to explore. Pray about it, and let go of what you can let go of. Math, writing, handwriting, spelling, can wait until he feels more need for them... Really, they can.

My eldest is now out of the house and still learning a lot, progressing.
My second child, the perfectionist, will have her associates degree at age 17 in about a month. It's okay to let go now, so they learn what they want to do, what they're passionate about.

I don't think of the conveyor belt as left to rust; I think of those glorious scenes in the movies where the chains fall off and become dust, while the person becomes full of light and glory and joy!

It's a growing process, takes time. We discussed homeschooling for a couple years after I felt I could do it. My dh felt having several small children at home at the same time would derail it. Well, yes, if you're trying to duplicate a public school schedule at home (we were initially), small children would mess it up. It took several years of trying to follow a public school schedule, of trying to force learning (and failing), of damaging and repairing family relationships, for us to finally let go of the public school habits we had learned. And it's still a work in progress; as soon as my children reach high school age, my dh's conveyor belt instincts kick in and we have the same discussions over again.

What has really saved us, so far, have been Family Executive Council meetings (Dad, Mom, and God), and interviews parents with one child at a time. We've had to learn to listen and pay attention when our children tell us what they feel they need to do at this time, and our children have had to accept that some of the things they'd like to do aren't going to happen just now.

In my core classic there's a plan for working together as husband and wife. When you as wife have a concern, you let your dh know, but if he's not willing to listen to it, or if he doesn't see the value of it, you tell God, and ask God to tell him. While you're waiting for your dh to see it, you work diligently on the things you can do, improving your own habits. God will tell him; your dh will see more clearly over time. While you're waiting, keep working on your education and encouraging your dh and children to learn.

There's a fine distinction between encouraging them to learn and pushing them to learn. You'll have to learn where the line is between inspiring and requiring. That's a necessary skill and you cannot start too soon learning it. The problem is that the line moves; it's different for each child and for each situation. It's like dentistry; when the gum is the most swollen, any touch, however light, will be taken as pressure and will hurt. If you push learning too hard, they will stop moving, like mules. This goes double for your dh.

"A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still." --author unknown

Both of my parents are highly educated who finished universities in Economics in Poland.
They have stressed education ever since I was little. My father expected me to be like him.
But because both of my parents did not live the law of chastity I had no desire to be like them.
I hated what they loved. I hated education. Although education in Poland was okay.
When we came to America I was 12 years old and my parents send me to a public school.
It was a shock from the Polish school system. I never adjusted I hated the conveyor belt.
And I realized that education just as I thought was the worst thing in the world.
I only went to school to make friends.

Then when I was 16 years old lds sister missionaries came to my home, my father had left us by then and there was a quiet space of time for us. I was very hungry for the truth!

I hated reading anything but I devoured the book of Mormon like a dry sponge. I was counseled by the sisters to read the book of Mormon every day. Because they were filled with the spirit I did exactly what they told me to do. Unlike my immoral father whom I had no desire to listen to or obey I obeyed the sisters perfectly in all they taught me. I loved the book of Mormon.

I didn't read English very well, but I taught myself how to read by reading the book of Mormon every day! It filled my life with joy and peace that I so desperately needed. I never stopped reading the book of Mormon. It was the only link to sanity in my turmoilish life!

years later:

When I was pregnant with my first child I had a dream in which I was told to always study the book of Mormon with my children. I did that. 2 of my kids have been to American Heritage school- but it was nothing but a conveyor belt with a little bit of scripture and prayer in the morning. When they said they would fail my daughter for her bad writing skills and that we needed to study at home more I was upset. I thought; "They have her for 7 hours a day and they can't even teach her how to write? And when she is suppose to jump and play I am suppose to be teaching her at home?"
This didn't sit with me so we left and joined the private Kimber Academy school that really does inspire the love of learning phase. All my kids were progressing in learning how to love, but not really learning that much scholastically. But the Spirit said- "stay!".

When my husband decided to go back to school we couldn't afford private school anymore.
I didn't know what to do so I turned to the Lord. During our scripture study one day I saw my 4 year old drawing a picture and I was taken in a vision/taught/feeling as I saw my children doing home school this year and having great fun. I knew I was suppose to do that. It was not an easy decision, I hated school. But then I remembered that Nephi didn't know how to build a ship. He probably never even seen a real ship in his life where he lived. But because He turned to the Lord he build an amazing ship.

As I turned to the Lord this year doing home school with my 5 children ages 2-12 I get revelations how to do it better every day and I love school! That is a miracle!
One day during a very successful scripture study after being very anxious if I was doing my home school right- I received another revelation from the Lord. He said: "This is the best school ever!" He was referring to our successful scripture study! I was amazed and surprised.

What I didn't realize is that my kids were scripture scholars. Every Sunday their primary and young women teachers come up to me to compliment me on how well my children not only know, but understand the scriptures.

My 12 year old daughter who was going to be failed for bad writing skills - today is writing a book. And says that writing is her favorite subject. All thanks to my home school this year.
My home school lasts only 2 hours a day! But we do it all year around unless we get distracted doing something else.

All we do at school is :

30 minutes or more of primary music songs, 2 prayers 1 kid and 1 adult and scripture study from Preach my Gospel. And lots of discussions on what we read! Lots!

then we go outside to play a while or garden if it is nice weather
if it is bad weather we clean the house together

then in our classroom:

15-30 minutes of quiet time where we do something creative like drawing, paining, wood work, sewing, anything we feel inspired to do that is creative.
Sometimes we do reading American History and some writing- learning to spell from the proclamation to the world. They have some big words there.
Lately I was inspired to have the children write reports on a Friend or New Era Articles-
thanks to the TJERefers generally to the concepts presented in the book A Thomas Jefferson Education, written by Dr. Oliver DeMille. We also have an Introduction to Thomas Jefferson Education available elsewhere on this site..
Then we do cheap little math work books. My kids like math, we have fun relating math problems to made up spiritual stories sometimes.
that's it! that is all I do.
The kids learn science on their own from science books. They love to read everything.
My husband is reading classics to them at nights sometimes. Not every night.
And we do taekwondo together.

My agnostic father, my catholic mother and my mormon sister all think that I am crazy and that I am ruining my children's education. Let them think what they like.
I am building a ship- whose builder is God- not me.

Kinga